This year was a stressful year for me, even I m married, moved. but I still need to work at night, and facing a strange husband at home, and strange friends in everywhere.
I can skip my dinner few years back, but not now, I m getting old, my day time job getting more, I can't concentrate both side anymore. I moved to KL, I work at KL, I finish job at 5.30pm I rush to PJ, I reach PJ at 7pm instead of 6.30pm. I totally don't have time to take dinner, even now I really wish have a proper dinner. sometime I don't eat until late night, reach home, shower...then I slept.
skip dinner was small matter, what I doesn't like was the day time staff showing a unhappy face when I reached. Sometime I asking myself, is it because of I late, thats why they not happy, or I did something wrong on the paper work on the day before?
no.....sometime yes, sometime it just their mood is no good, funny?! no for me, cos I can't smile at all when people showing their black face to me which actually I didn't do anything wrong.
actually I told my teacher(principle) last year I can't help her anymore, but her staff never seriously look for new staff to replace me. then I wrote a long long email to her on Sept, then only she know I m really seriously to quit. She still want me to work until end of this year 2011 :)
last 3 weeks, day time staff call me, saying that they already hire a new staff to replace me, but I can leave on Dec. the new girl will join on Jan2012, so she want me to train her on 1st week on January...may I say no? there is not much work to do at night, a simple admin + reception job, are supose full time staff to give a train??? - I m not curious, because I know she is just LAZY STAFF for me
last 2 weeks I receive day time staff call again, this time she request me IF CAN, please come sharp on 7pm. because sometime I facing a terrible jam, I reach there was 7.30pm.
She said she has sign up a course, need to leave office 7pm, so she want me come ASAP. so, I answer "ya, no problem, I leaf 1 month only to helping you all, so I think its fine :)" strange right? ya, this is me- always don't know how to reject people request.
4 years back, when my teacher want me to help her, she told me- I can join the group class anytime for free, and I have chance to practise my japanese while working there.
too bad, I can honestly tell her now - I LEARN NOTHING in JAPANESE LANGUAGE. BUT I HAD LEARN HOW TO BECOME SELFISH.
4 years, I never realize I been working 4 years as night reception+ admin for my teacher's school.
In past 3 years I m staying PJ, my day time work at PJ too, so its no problem for me to travel from office to school. I leave office 5.30pm I reach there 6.30pm, I skip my dinner, due to I m young & worry grow fat.
Some of my japanese teacher stay near by my house, I fetch them home while I go home at night. I never think of claim or asking back anything....
my schedule is until 9.30pm, but some teacher always came 15mins late from class room, so by the time I lock door was 10pm. but my claim still 6.30pm-9.30pm, never regret. and what I was happy is my principle always give me a present during my birthday and RM200 AngPaw when Chinese New Year as thank you my hard work. YES, I appreciate it! thats why I never feel regret to helping her.
this 2011 was no.4 year and was last year I work for her. The main reason I leaf is because I married, and I move to KL....& my husband ..........
I never telling people that, My husband feel very unhappy with my night job, I always thought he is understnding, until there is few time, always when I reach home, he just direct go sleep without talking to me. I been stressful for few months...then I ask him directly, after that he become normal wait for me home, and chat with me.......but after past few month, again he become weird, no one will believe if I said he has 6 months no touch me. am I not attractive anymore or he has other reason?
recently my best friend came to KL, she thought I will go find her, but I need to work at night, I didnt call her, until when we meet in FB, she sound so weird.
almost a week, when I write somehing or comment something, sure she answer me "you so busy, you where have time to tired..." "you so busy, you can?" " you where have time, because you are busy super women"
=.=|| I m really tired to explain to everyone my schedule. I work fr 8.30-5.30 & 7 - 10pm. the middle time 5.30- 7pm I m driving, after 10pm I also need 30 mins to reach home, 30mins to shower, if I have no dinner, I also need 20mins to have dinner.
Dam tired life, because of be a nice person/ good helper to my teacher, at last - I become a bad friend to every friend, bad image that never showing up.
I never showing my unhappy face or my tired face to anyone, just because I think thats unfair to other people who doesn't understand my life. but too bad, what I earn was ...just this.
I never complaint my life to anyone, not means I have no problem in my life. I been work with my teacher 4 years, I m not leaving her just telling "sensei, I want resign" then I go off.
sometime I really wish I can be like 1 of my friend, she is very cheersful person. no need take care family, what her life is only drink, party, friends...I so wish can be like her, party drinking continue for few weeks, then keep telling people that she is tired, not enough sleep...bla bla bla...then all body will just feel pity on her, like her...
I tell in FB b4 I m tired, but too bad, the respond sound like "ya, you reserve it" "ofcause, u work too much"
Am I like to work? no one like to work if got money! fuuny~ just take it, what can I say? same is human, but life is different.
work-home-cook-sleep- work-work-home-sleep...every day same. what I want? myself doesn't know.
1 year....already get married 1 year. any different? no... nothing is diff in my life, beside I has learn cooking.
I know the one I love can't replace my anyone, I wish I could wait him to back to me, I know it wont happen. and I know he want to forget about him and start a new life with other....I knew...I understand ..I try...
I m trying, I m trying hard in my life...too bad, another disappoited I got....oh man~ how come everybody is same? is that true before marry and after marry were different?
sometime I m thinking am myself cause a problem? am I think too much? too much of negative? hhm........I wish I m sick, at least I know I m adnormal to be forgive :)
I been stop using friendx for such a long time, since I meet him.........and now when I have time, I will log in, but no one is here....everybody is in facebook right now I guess :)
I have facebook too, thats me, but which is real? neko? or the one in facebook ? with the real picture..but not real heart.
Times flies~
I always thought I can just give up everything and start over again; I always thought I can just forget everthing which happen before and start over again; I always thought I m in dream....and thought and thought...
almost 3 years I missed contact with him..how is he right now? are he doing well?
we have right to choose to forget or remember it. I choose to forget everything...and he will happy if I do that as he ask me to do so....but too bad, every year, every day, every moment his shadow still appear in my mind.
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Tuesday, December 20, 2011